This picture was taken on Easter Sunday  2014 at an outdoor Easter service in Idaho. My nephew, Tom ,took the picture as the group sang “The Old Rugged Cross”.

I sat in a chair staring at the coffin that was in front of me. The cold crisp January air blew across my face, I heard the chilling melody of “Taps”.  I was in a trance like state when I  saw a solider kneeling before me handing me the American Flag  they had just folded. I laid it in my lap , my hands trembling.I was numb on the outside but screaming on the inside.  IT’S A REPLAY, IT’S A REPLAY, my insides screamed. Almost 40 years earlier in this very cemetery I had heard the haunting tune of “Taps” the soliders giving me an America Flag . At that time ,my young husband had fallen in the jungles of Vietnam. He had been killed by a sniper as the helicopter he was flying lifted wounded soliders to safety. I remembered my small son sitting beside me devastated and trying so hard to be a brave little solider.Now, he sat beside me again trying to comfort me and his younger brother . I wondered if he felt as I did, that it was a horrible replay of the past.

I continued to stare at the coffin that contained the lifeless body of my beloved husband Jim. Why did this happen? He was so healthy and full of life until the silent killer of colon cancer had made him  sick. He had tried with every fiber of his being to survive, his family needed him. Dustin, our son, was battling brain cancer and Jim knew how terrified we were of losing him and how much we all loved him. We had spent 36 wonderful years together, I didn’t know how I would ever survive the loss and pain that was before me. He suffered so much in the end. The pain he endured was unbearable and I knew he kept hanging on because of us. I heard our pastor as he talked about what a good man Jim had been, how much he loved the Lord and his family and his selfless service and leadership in the community.The cemetery was packed with people but they seemed to be a blur. Somewhere in the distance I heard a rooster crow.  I shook, not so much from the cold but from all the grief and pain. I looked up into the clear blue sky and said a silent prayer. “Please God”, I pleaded, Just let me know he’s okay and not hurting anymore”.  Suddenly without any warning two commercial jet planes were streaking across the western  sky to form a perfect cross.”Thank you,Lord,” I whispered, you have given me an answer,I now know he is safe in your arm’s”.   I hugged the flag close to my breast, God had heard my cry and I felt such peace.

Shortly after Dustin was diagnosed with Medulloblastoma  stage 4(brain cancer) I was a walking mess. I couldn’t sleep, or eat. I was in a constant state of depression. Dustin’s doctors saw that I wasn’t doing well and told me to see my Primary Care Physician. He prescribed a sleeping medication along with something for anxiety.By the time Dustin was released from the hospital, which was months, I was totaling dependent on the pills.

When Dustin was finally away from the hospital and we had a few weeks before many rounds of chemo and radiation began ,we decided to leave Oklahoma City for a  week and go to a peaceful resort area in eastern Oklahoma. We rented a very nice furnished cabin with a balcony and perfect  view.  Things were a little better but I was still on the pills. One evening , while at the cabin, I went to the bathroom to get ready for bed. I had just finished showering and was about to grabbed for the pills when I heard this loud audible voice say, “TRAVONNA, IF YOU TAKE ONE MORE OF THOSE PILLS YOU WILL DIE!”  The voice was so loud it scared me to death.  I knew it wasn’t Jim or Dustin because they were on the balcony. I whispered, “Lord is that you?” I didn’t hear one more word, but I knew it was God.  That night I flushed those pills now the bathroom toilet. It was like throwing away my crutch.Many of my friends and family have said to me, what I heard wasn’t audible that it was probably a combination of circumstances. They explain it away by saying I was so upset and the pills were probably making me hallucinate . However,I know what I heard, and I believe if I had been at home and heard that voice and flush the pills down the commode I would have been at the doctors office the next day wanting more pills. The Lord knew to speak to me while I was in that remote area because the next few nights were terrible. I couldn’t sleep, I had headaches and felt awful.  Being in the middle of nowhere I couldn’t do much but endure the withdrawals.  When we returned home I thought about going and getting another script but by that time I was doing better.It didn’t happen overnight it was difficult but I know that if I hadn’t listened to God something horrible would have happened. I have never heard that audible voice again. God has spoken to me  many times through the Holy Spirit, but never in a Loud Voice.  I told my husband about the voice , he too, knew it was God.

We serve an Amazing Awesome God!